This is a thing I wrote, it's about 1000 words (I wouldn't call it a story and I won't call it a piece). The narrator isn't me per se, although various elements in the story have happened to me. Watch for irony, hope you enjoy!
Out the window, which faces south, there is a deep, moody cloud marching in. It is the tail end of monsoon season, but I haven’t seen anything that has matched my expectations. The blackened steel bars that crisscross the window have unsettling effect because they are driven into the inside of the sill. I can reach my arm through to open or close the window but that’s it. The cloud is probably tall and it certainly covers the sky, maybe this will be the last big pour I have been told to expect. It’s morning, I think about remembering to take my umbrella when I go outside.
I’m sitting at a real dark wood table. Not the wood that I would buy back home, this wood is heavy, it came from a heavy tree. This is the dining room table, the chairs are also sculpted from the dark reddish wood. In a real home this would probably be a beautiful set, but it juts out in the stark, sterilized marble tiles on which it currently stands.
I am eating cold papaya that was sliced in cubes last night by my bearer, she hasn’t showed up yet today. It is easy to get used to finding prepared items in the refrigerator. Already a colonial attitude, dormant in my native land, has been yawning itself awake. It’s true though, Dhaka is in many ways a disgusting place, there are bars on the windows of the unreachable sixth and highest floor of my apartment building. They are on the inside.
I scoop the unfamiliarly textured papaya (something between a banana and an apple) into my mouth without looking at the bowl, but I can tell I have almost exhausted my supply. I am reading
The Great Gatsby and taking notes in a small notebook evidently made for science students because instead of line paper the book is filled with graphing paper. I found the good ones yesterday, but I have already started taking notes and want them all in one place. Already I have forgotten that this is a book about failure, about impossibility. Somehow those last pages make you believe, I guess that’s the trick.
I read with my left hand pressing down on the pages to keep them open, my right hand attentively awaits instruction, pen at the ready. Just then, to the left of the left page I see one of the tiniest bugs I have ever seen. He (are insects “its”?) explores the table’s surface, I don’t know if they smell food or just travel randomly until they stumble across a crumb that fell from my mouth last night. As I said, the bearer hasn’t arrived yet so there is bound to be something to eat on the table. The bug is so minute that it must be eating things that I cannot even see. It pauses occasionally and seems to dip its head, perhaps for a microbe of rice. When things are that small it probably doesn’t matter what it is.
I relieve my left hand from page-holding duty and bring it down upon the bug. I saw a roach in my bathroom when I came home last night so I can’t take any chances. This tiny scavenger could be the first coming of an infestation, I can’t be too careful. My hand quickly snaps back up as to avoid having anything stick and the bug is neatly left on the table. I go back to my reading but before I can finish absorbing another elegant sentence I see another crawly thing out of the corner of my eye. Scanning the tabletop I realize there must be eight or nine bugs patrolling for scraps. I wasn’t looking for them when I sat down and did not notice the moving dust. I shake my head and decide to clean the table better after dinner and to make sure that the bearer takes care of whatever is happening. I have never had an infestation of any kind anywhere. I guess there were little white mice in my chapter house, but a mouse is an animal not an insect. I don’t understand insects, I don’t think I ever will make peace with them. And I certainly will not negotiate a truce today, I kill two more specs in my immediate vicinity. I do not intend on getting up.
The business of killing the roach last night was unpleasant. It hid against a wall almost behind the toilet and when I scared it out it ran in circles until I halted it with the bottom of my shoe. I tried not to make too big of a mess but inevitably whatever was inside him ended up on the outside, and on the tile. Luckily nothing on my rubber sole, I am an expert already. I stared at it for a second and wondered what it was up to before I found it. I got some toilet paper and scraped him up into it, trying not to feel what was in my hand, dumped him in the toilet and flushed.
Today’s crushing goes far more smoothly, there are no visible alterations to the state of the bugs post mortem other than that they are no longer moving. Another bug foolishly ventures within the reach of my sinister hand, which descends with controlled force. This bug did not instantly die. I have merely maimed it, and now it travels in a clockwise circle around a useless set of right legs. Its feelers are still active, though I suspect only for a second and so I continue to read. “I must have stood there for a few moments listening to the whip and snap of the curtains and the groan of a picture on the wall. Then there was a boom as Tom Buchanan shut the rear windows and the caught wind died out about the room and the curtains and the rugs and he two young women ballooned slowly to the floor.”
When I looked off the page towards the spot where the bug had been suffering so valiantly nothing was moving. However I could not confirm whether the bug had died or been able to struggle off my table, over the edge.